my friend committed suicide by drinking herself to death
ever feel like being shot in the chest when you are wide awake listening to pink floyd's time
this country in its countless myriad mad ways is already living in an epiphany of its death
the dead from the future calling us, telling us to live and not live in a certain fashion
death and the gall it comes with
no one tells you when to duck
one moment youre asleep in the cosy confines of your quilt
smelling the fart
breathing the moist overnight smell
and next moment you get a call from a friend who has committed suicide
not just a simple hanging herself from the fan
she drank herself to a slow burning death
the slow burn of alcohol
of drinking each day
of racing around with a bottle of some liquid you thought could relieve you of the ills of life
every single moment
every minute telling you a sordid tale of last waves of desperation
the song is over you tell yourself
hanging by a sombre thread of nothingness
you lack the veracity
you read her signature
you remember the times spent in her provincial bunglaow in the new, up and coming part of the city
far away across the field
the bell tolls and you hear it
only you hear it
dates
time
time stamps
hit you over and over again
a friend who you tell about ypour state of mind tells you "forget it"
how the fuck tell me
how the fuck do you forget
you tell me she didnt matter to me till yesterday
people are nefarious
knwoing people can be nefarious
one day they are here the next day they could be anything
dead!
thats the last you think
but hadnt you been preparing yourself for death?
wasnt she with you when the first death of your life hit you in the face
didnt she grieve with you
see you shed copious amounts of tears
didnt she also weep with you, although for you a littel bit
and now someoneo asks you to forget it
how do you foget it
given to strong and most times stupid emotions
you think
how do you clean this
wipe this small mesh on the empty table of your life
the table top is clean
cleaner than before
but where is the flesh and blood and skin and bones
the turmoil of the eveyrday's evanescnce massages you
and the bell tolls
why didn't she commit suicide just like every second person?